Please don’t ask me what I’m worried about.
It’s everything, nothing and something.
I’m not writing this for the people who have anxiety, the people who know this tight feeling in their own chest, who’s breathe matches mine today. I’m writing this for those that can breathe easily and who want to know what we’re so worried about.
Anxiety and worry are cousins, they are definitely related and have similar characteristics but they are individuals also. When you are worried there is usually a subject matter at the core of it. There is something real that you can identify and deal with.
Worry is a trickling stream but anxiety is an ocean. Worry knocks politely while anxiety jumps out at you from behind a corner.
When I tell you I’m anxious please don’t ask me what I’m worried about. Its everything, nothing and something. I can’t put my finger on it but I can feel it in my hand, up my arm and engulfing my whole body.
It can start out with a small issue; the car is low on petrol. A person who is simply worried will come to the conclusion that they will have to drive to the petrol station before they go on their trip.
Anxiety takes a different view. It spirals. What if the traffic is awful and all my petrol runs out while I’m sitting in traffic? My car will be stuck in the middle of the road and everyone will beep their horns at me. What if there’s an earthquake and I don’t have petrol to even turn the car on? What if there’s a queue at the petrol station and I’m late? What if I put diesel instead of petrol in the car by accident and ruin my car?
Worry prompts solutions, anxiety prompts more questions.
Your chest gets tighter and tighter and your head gets louder and louder. Your heartbeat echoes around your insides and why is it so fast? Are you going to have a heart attack? Why are you breathing like that? Take deeper breathes! Calm down CALM DOWN why can’t you just calm down?
Please don’t ask me what I’m worried about. I’m not worried, I am anxious. The world is falling down in my mind and telling me not to worry makes me wonder what is wrong with me even more. I have no idea why this is happening to me. I have no idea why panic is sitting on my chest like a bowling ball.
Don’t ask me what I’m worried about. Its everything, nothing and something. Don’t tell me not to worry so much. Hold my hand and breathe with me. Let me cry and tell me you’ll help me to hold up the world until it passes.