60) Tapping out

Anxiety. How can one word have such huge crushing effects on me. It slit open my stomach and slipped inside one day in late January. It stretched out lazily like a cat, its claws reaching up towards my throat but from the inside, making me feel simultaneously sick and full and uncomfortable. Its back feet…

59) Strip it back

Imagine one day you were forced to strip your life back, right back to the basics. You were allowed nothing but food and shelter. No tv, no music, no sounds, no books, no conversation, no distractions, no friends, no exercise. Nothing. Food and shelter only. Slowly you were allowed to add things back in. A…

57) Hedgehogs and Home

The fire is making it hard to write this, it’s crackling softly and lulling me into complete relaxation. Through half closed eyes I want to record this though, the next bit, the part that comes after the awful worry and the stress. This feeling. This seemed like such a far away, almost impossible, goal just…

56) Kidneys and Keys

We found out at the weekend that our current rental situation will be coming to an end soon and we will need to find a new place to live. Someone asked me this morning how the apartment hunt is going. I decided not to mention that I had just googled “can you sell your organs”…

55) Rescued

I’m not a fan of cliches, I like words and phrases to be as authentic and unique as possible. I cringe when people say that they are ‘marrying their best friend’ or that it was their rescue dog that rescued them. Then I got married and had to physically restrain myself from writing in my…

54) Everything Nothing Something

Please don’t ask me what I’m worried about. It’s everything, nothing and something. I’m not writing this for the people who have anxiety, the people who know this tight feeling in their own chest, who’s breathe matches mine today. I’m writing this for those that can breathe easily and who want to know what we’re…

53) A Lesson in Regrets

I can’t remember which medical professional made the comment. That’s a common theme lately, not remembering. I seem to have hit my head in the place where the short term memory receptors live. Anyway, it doesn’t matter who said it, the comment itself was what made me think. “I bet you regret that.” For those…

52) Warriors and War Paint

If you are following me on Instagram or Facebook then you will have seen me doing the 30 Day Photography Challenge for the last month. This is the final picture of the challenge. Day 30 ‘Self portrait’. It was the hardest picture I’ve taken so far. I had an appointment first thing in the morning…

49) Love Handles and Women’s Sandals

There’s a red dress in my wardrobe. It’s been there for years. It hasn’t moved from the wardrobe in years because it does not fit me. There, I said it. It barely fit me when I bought it if I’m being completely honest. My actual size was sold out so I told myself the age…

44) Trial periods and Toilet seats

Weeks 2 and 3 on the building site: All farting, burping and swearing has resumed as normal on site, I’m taking this to mean that I have been accepted as one of them. Luckily I bought myself some radio earmuffs, they’r excellent for blocking out the sound of the hammers, drills and men’s bodily noises. …