Now that I’m quickly approaching my late 20’s my metabolism really isn’t what it used to be. This is now what I must do to myself in the name of being healthy!
A few days ago I came to the horrifying realisation that there was no chocolate in the house. As I happened to be hungover and therefore had zero intention of leaving the house I had to improvise. I thought to myself, maybe a spoonful of Nutella will satisfy my chocolate cravings. 9 spoonfuls later I was feeling as guilty as I was sick. I decided it was time for a bit of a health kick. But me being me I decided to go all out.
Exercise time. So I set out for a nice long run along a track I know well, it’s a 10km up a hill and then down alongside the lake. However on the way there I got distracted by an interesting looking sign post, proceeded to got lost in a forest, ended up following a large weird old pipe back to civilization, slipped on a pine cone, hurt my knee, ended up heading down a hill while I thought I was going up, slipped down said muddy hill, accidently swallowed a fly and limped home. Day one did not go so well. Maybe a diet would be a better plan.
Ok I am badly in need of a detox but the thought of starving myself etc does not appeal to me so instead I decided to do a day of a liquid only diet. It’s nice and easy on the digestive system and will hopefully have me feeling super healthy afterwards.
Breakfast was easy, I made a banana smoothie with almond milk and cinnamon. Yum. Excellent start! I got to work at 8am feeling full and healthy. My smoothie kept me going until about 11 when I started to get quite hungry so I had some soup.
The day continued on with soup, smoothies and lots of water. The liquid diet was going well and I was feeling fine until about 5pm when I noticed that I had to adjust my belt…it suddenly felt really tight so I loosened it by one belt hole. By 7pm I was running out of belt holes and instead was picking out names for my liquid baby as I looked about 6 months pregnant. My tummy went from gurgling quietly to full on growling at me. The worst thing was that I wasn’t hungry so the growling was really freaking me out, my insides were planning a rebellion! I started to regret the liquid diet but after doing it all day long, I didnt think my enlarged angry liquid filled belly could even handle solid food.
I went to bed early. Early and terrified
Damn u nutella! I can’t get u out of my head! Today I’m back on solids but I’m not going to have any sugar, chocolate, caffeine or alcohol.
I had that fantastic idea the night before, it seemed like such a good idea when I was feeling horrific from all the liquid. But when I woke up this morning, excited to have solid food again, all I could think about was the hazelnut chocolate bar I had in the kitchen. I considered a diet of only sugar, chocolate, caffeine and alcohol as an alternative. I gave it some serious thought but eventually convinced myself to give being healthy a go. I would go into the kitchen, have a healthy breakfast then go for a run.
It took me longer than usual to actually get out of bed, the thought of all the chocolatey goodness in the kitchen made me seriously doubt my willpower. On walking into the room my good friend, the couch, immediately offered me the goods.
I felt like Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and I knew immediately that I would have eaten that Apple. Oh I would have dipped it in forbidden toffee and devoured it. Somehow, I did manage to ignore the forbidden fruit for about an hour, but then I started to feel a bit strange…
I had every intention of doing a workout but no matter what I did or said to myself my body was having none of it, I finally got myself up off the couch but my body just went and sat on the bean bag instead, I went into the bedroom to put on my workout clothes and next thing I know my body was climbing back into bed. I’m lying there all cosy under the blankets and then it hit me. I DONT FEEL IN THE LEAST BIT GUILTY! I don’t feel guilty about lying in bed when I should be working out because I haven’t done anything to make me feel guilty! I havnt had any sweets or chocolate or anything unhealthy at all. I suddenly realised that I needed the guilt! I needed the guilt as motivation for a workout! It makes so much sense now! I’m always so up for a workout because I feel so guilty about all the crap I eat, but without the crap there is no guilt and therefore no motivation to exercise. I was at a crossroads, do I continue on eating healthily while lying around doing nothing or do I climb head first into that tub of Nutella and go for a 10km run afterwards?
Hmmmm what to do what to do……
Oh crap I just got Nutella on my iPad….