19) Sneaky Summer Flu

Summer is finally in the air! The birds are singing, the flowers are growing, the baby lambs are getting fat and tasty looking! The winter jackets are put away, jumpers discarded, scarves already long forgotten in the back of the wardrobe. Those pasty winter legs are shaved and displayed for all to see! The days stretch and the nights grow warmer. 11.30pm at night and I can walk home from work in my Tshirt. It’s such a lovely night I think to myself, there’s no need for my jacket! 
And then I wake up the next morning and BAM I am greeted by Sneaky Mr. Summer Flu.

First ridiculous sunburn of the summer!

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The summer flu lies in wait all winter, and then when the early signs of summer lull you into a false sense of health security and the jacket comes off, it pounces. I dont have time for you Mr. Flu! I need to work! The weather is so nice, I want to go play outside! I have made it my mission to cure this flu as fast as humanly possible.

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Day 1
Mr. Flu: Good Morning Sarah 🙂
Me: Dammit Mr. Flu, wat are you doing here? It’s summertime!
Mr. Flu: Thought you could walk home without a jacket last night eh? Got a bit cocky about your immune system did ya?
Me: Dammit Mr. Flu, I don’t have time for u this week!

I have decided to ignore the flu. I am pretending it does not exist. I will get up and go about my day as normal. I am not going to curl up in bed and mope, I am not going to drink chicken soup and blow my nose until it is red, I am not sick, I AM FINE. 

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Day 2
Ok so I’m sick. I have no energy, my glands are swollen, my nose is running. I gave in and slept for ten hours. NO I WILL NOT GIVE IN! I got up and drank a ridiculous amount of water, had lots of green tea, spoonfuls of honey and vitamins. I still felt horrific. I decided to steam my face, so I boiled the kettle, filled a cooking pot with boiling water and sat with my towel-covered head over it for 20 minutes. My skin now feels fantastic, the rest of me still does not. I’m achy and irritable and sniffly.

Mr. Flu: haha told ya so
Me: Oh fuck off

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Day 3
Mr. Flu: Sarah SARAH wake up! Time to blow your nose for the millionth time!
Me: Dammit Mr. Flu, it’s 6am!
Mr. Flu: Hey while you’re up, how would you feel about a banging headache?
Me: Look I’d really rather not have OW
Mr. Flu: Oh oh you know what else is fun?? Let’s start alternating rapidly between shivering and sweating even though you’re in a perfectly normal room temperature!

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Resistance is futile. It’s got me. My blanket is my only friend now, the bedside table is littered with tissues, I have spent the morning researching flu remedies. Bring on the chicken soup.
Unfortunately for me (and anyone else that has the misfortune to meet me today) all these remedies require me going to the shop and buying stuff. I should probably mention that my brain likes to take a little holiday anytime I get the flu causing me to act with the brain capacity of a goldfish. 

Goldfish brain well and truely on, I was off to the shops. It’s pretty much a straight road to get to the shop from my house and yet I still managed to end up driving to some random housing estate instead of the shop. While doing a mid-road-illegal-U-turn I began to worry about whether or not my mental capacity was up to completing the task. On finally arriving at the shop I instantly found out that no, my mental capacity was not up to the task. I stood in a random aisle of the shop and couldn’t for the life of me remember what I had come to the shop for.

Half an hour later, after walking every aisle to jog my memory, I walked back to the car park where I tried to get into the wrong car. After finally getting into my car it then took me another 3 minutes to work out why my house key wouldn’t turn the car on. At this point, for the sake of society, I decided to call in sick to work.

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Home remedy time.

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I just noticed that the only thing in my fruit bowl in that picture is a potato. I am so Irish sometimes.

The classic hot water with honey and lemon, echinacea tea, kiwi fruits for vitamin c, chicken soup are all the basics. I also read that garlic is fantastic for the flu so I roasted some of that in the oven and ate enough to ensure that I would be safe from vampires for all of eternity (poor Gerry). Another home remedy I came across was the onion remedy, apparently if you cut an onion and put it beside you while you sleep it somehow cures you faster. I don’t know if it actually works but I’m gonna give it a go. Upon further reading on the onion subject I learnt that putting onions in your socks over night apparently draws all the infection out through your skin or something like that so I am now lying in bed, in a room that stinks of onions, with pieces of onion in my socks, feeling ridiculous.
Good night. 
Ps. Gerry, I am sorry.

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Day 4
I’m cured! The onions worked!

Only joking, I am still sick, the apartment stinks of onions and I forgot I had onions in my socks and walked to the bathroom and squished them.

What the hell was I thinking.

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