Random stories over the last few weeks.

I was in our bathroom earlier when I noticed a bug crawling along the floor, I quickly scooped him up in a piece of tissue paper and threw him in the toilet. I flushed him down the toilet but when the flushing stopped, all the tissue was gone but the bug was still there, happily swimming around the toilet bowl. I tried flushing him another 3 times before naming him Philip and just accepting his toilet dwelling presence.

Today I decided to be very good and do all the dishes. Just as I had finished washing, drying and putting them away the shelf that they were on suddenly broke and they all smashed to pieces all over the kitchen. I am eating my cereal out of a cup. FML.

Today at work I was clearing a table while having a chat with the couple sitting there. I was talking away as I picked up plates from their table, as I picked up one of the plates a toothpick rolled off of it. Without thinking, I attempted to catch it before it fell, however it landed in the mans lap and I acted so fast that I ended up jamming my hand into his crotch…. 

What I say: Gerry can u put the laundry away please.
What Gerry hears: Please make a scavenger hunt for me by putting my clothes in random places all over the room.

What I say: Gerry can u pick up a small bag of hay from the vets on your way home today?
What Gerry hears: Please to go the garden center and get enough hay to fill 6 large black plastic rubbish bags so that we have enough hay to last our guinea pig for the rest of her life, also please carry the bale of hay through the house so that everything we own is covered in hay and we will still be picking it out of the carpet months later.

Me: Gerry please don’t leave ur socks there, I’ve literally spent the last 3 hours cleaning the apartment.
Gerry: Really? It’s not even that clean, look there’s still a dish in the sink.
And that was the last anyone ever saw of Gerry….

As much as I love summer, the humidity does strange things to my hair…..

Today I learnt an important lesson. When running downhill always keep your mouth closed, if you open it a fly will fly in, hit the back of your throat and cause you to dry heave in front of a family of Asian tourists while they take photos of you.

Places my guinea thinks are inappropriate to pee:
1) the garden
Places my guinea pig thinks are fantastic to pee:
1) on all items of furniture
2) on any clothes item left unattended
3) on the carpet
4) on my neck

Today I was a little bit hungover, perhaps I was a bit too needy….

Happy Monday Everyone! Xxx