24) Wisdom Toothless

So I just spent $500 to awkwardly lick a mans fingers for half an hour.
ie. I’ve just been to the dentist.

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Much like a dog can sense when it is going to be taken to the vet, my wisdom tooth had a sneaking suspicion that I had finally had enough if it’s crap. The time had come for us to part ways. It was well behaved all morning, making me wonder if perhaps I was being hasty in my decision to remove the unwelcome lodger from my jaw. 
Making the most of my last few hours with the ability to chew I chowed down on almonds and apples and muesli, my wisdom tooth begrudgingly allowing me this one last luxury without injecting the all too familiar pain into that space between ur eyeballs reserved for migraine pain, hangovers and evil wisdom teeth.

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The day before:
I am well aware that I will look like a psychotic hamster for a few days when my wisdom tooth comes out so I need to get supplies to last me all weekend. Off to the shops.
Ok I now have enough ice cream, wine and scrambled eggs to keep me going for 4 days. 
Also, much like a bear before hibernation, I am eating everything in sight.

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The day of:
Whoever had the idea to put a dominos pizza shop beside the dentists office is a cruel cruel bastard.

The dentist kept telling me I was very brave, one side of my brain was like “whatever I bet he says that to everyone”, while the other side was like “shut up brain, u are so brave sarah, who’s a brave girl? U are! Yes u are! Good girl!”
I like that side 🙂

When it was done they asked if I would like to keep the tooth and like the giant child I am, I of course said yes.

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I had to go straight to the pharmacy to pick up painkillers before going home. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a car window, I looked like I had a stroke. Sunglasses on. Continued on to the pharmacy. Caught another glimpse of my reflection 10 minutes later, face definitely getting larger and a little bit of blood drooling out of my mouth. Probably time to head home…

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Gerry got home from work a few hours later.
Gerry: hey babe, how r u feeling?
Me: I’m actually ok, the painkillers are helping.
Gerry: is that chocolate beside u? R u seriously eating chocolate right now?!
Me: it’s the only thing I can eat because I don’t have to chew it! It just melts!
Gerry: then what is that block of cheese doing there?
Me: ………..

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Things I can now do with my new face:
-scare children
-scare adults
-audition for Shrek
-get stopped at the airport under the assumption that I am blatantly smuggling drugs in my face
-see what I would look like if I was obese
-vow to exercise like crazy so I never become obese and look like this

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Have u ever had a sneezing fit when ur mouth is swollen shut?? My god that was horrific!

I am bored and I am hungry! 2 more days of this and I’m pretty sure this will be me:

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Thanks Ryan 🙂

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