12) My week in short stories

Bought a bag of worms at the gardening center, had a chat with the lady who worked there about how theyr amazing for compost. She gave me lots of composting tips. She also gave me lots of baby worms that are apparently amazing for compost. I didn’t have the heart to tell her they were for Gerry to use for fishing….

Realised I really had to pee on my way home from work. Practically skipped home trying to hold it. Finally I get to the door and reach for my keys…..no keys…..locked out. Phone Gerry. 15 mins later he arrives home to find me doing the-oh-god-I-need-to-pee-so-bad-so-I’m-going-to-hop-around-in-an-attempt-to-distract-my-bladder-from-how-full-it-is-look-bladder-look-at-me-dance! He wasn’t even out of the car before he was attacked for the keys.

I was sitting outside in our garden reading my book when my stoned-out-of-his-mind upstairs neighbour appeared on his balcony. Parsley was sitting on the grass beside me. He commented on how she was ‘so beautiful’, I’m pretty sure he was so stoned he genuinely believed she was my child. 
I’m ok with that.


Gerry snores. Sometimes it’s like a fog horn, most of the time it’s a low drone, the volume changes but there’s always some sort of noise. I was drifting off to sleep a few minutes ago, feeling so relaxed when I realised that the room was silent. I tried to stay calm and continue to drift off to sleep but I managed to convince myself that Gerry wasnt breathing and before I know it im crouched over him on the bed in the pitch black of night like golum reaching for the ring, with my fingers held under his nose to see if I feel air. He’s alive. I’m now wide awake 😦

I was folding up the chairs outside the restaurant at the end of the night as we closed up. There’s a Turkish restaurant across the street and a large Turkish man was also in the process of folding up his chairs as they closed. He looking at me, held up a chair and laughed, I did the same, we had a moment. It was strange.

We only have one rule in our apartment, whoever bought the chocolate bar gets the last piece, a rule which I feel very passionately about. Gerry bought a nice big dairy milk fruit and nut bar, ate half and left half of it on the couch, I decided to have a few pieces while I was reading my book. I got so into my book that I didn’t even notice how often I was reaching for the chocolate until I reached for another piece and the wrapper was empty…the evidence is hidden in my handbag…I feel dirty.


A guinea pig is such an easy pet to have, she’s potty trained, she never pees on us or the furniture, she’s the sweetest little thing…until it comes to getting her toenails cut. After 6 months of trying I finally managed to cut those talons today. She screamed bloody murder at me the entire time and when it was finally done I was quite pleased with myself. I was worried she would be mad at me but when I put her down on the couch she walked right back over to me, climbed into my lap, looked directly into my eyes….and pissed all over me. I swear she was smiling.

I’m still learning how to make good coffee at work, I’m getting quite good at it these days though. I made a latte for a little old man today, he kept smiling at me after I served it to him and then looked in his English translation book for ten minutes so that he could tell me “this coffee…very special…thanking you…very special”. Made my day 🙂


Gerry got a parcel from immigration today with a letter approving his visa. It also contained his passport, he wasn’t even aware he had given them his passport. He’s very responsible.

Having one of those days where I’m so exhausted that I’m genuinely not sure whether I took a nap or just stared into space for the last half an hour. 

I bought a new running app for my phone, it’s called zombie run. Basically now and then it plays zombie noises into ur ears so it feels like zombies are chasing you to make u run faster and it GPS tracks you so it knows how fast you go. I thought I could use it while hiking up a hill, alone, surrounded by dense trees. I didn’t really think that one through. Petrified is not even the word. 



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